Husbands, Are Your Prayers Hindered? Do You Understand Your Wives?

I have heard this numerous times among men. With a chuckle of knowing resignation one may tell another what his wife does that doesn’t make sense to him. “There’s just no understanding women,” they might say.

Is this right?

In a larger passage about being subject to each other, Peter writes:

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 ESV)

Peter admonishes Christian husbands to understand their wives and live in accordance with that understanding. Not only is it possible for a husband to understand his wife, it is commanded. Husband, you study cars, sports statistics, politics, or whatever else you are interested in. Yet you refuse to study your wife to know her better? Study her like your life depended on it.

The effect is that the wife of a Christian husband will be honored. Perhaps you don’t want to honor your wife. Why did you marry her if you didn’t want to honor her? You show yourself to be a fool for an honored wife will glorify her husband. (1 Cor 11:17)

Ultimately, however, the result of not doing this is that the husband’s prayers will be hindered. I said study her like your life depended on it. If you’re prayers are your connection with the One who gives you life, then your life indeed depends on understanding your wife and living like it.

Christian husband, an amazing way to fulfill this is to pray for your wife. You should be doing this anyway, but I know that many do not. I have seen miracles happen in marriages where husbands pray for their wives. The next miracle could be for you.

Rare Tips to a Godly Marriage

My wife and I are in our 14th year since walking the aisle. I have some experience in the work and life required to make a healthy marriage. Everyone who talks about godly Christian marriages talks about communication, housework and the difference in needs between the sexes regarding...well...sex. Some aspects of the common advice you hear will be discernible in the advice I give here. However, from my experience to date, I have learned some things that you may not hear very often.

Part of this discourse comes from the frustration I see in the portrayal of marital relationships in the popular media and the odd way I see much of that spill over into many Christian marriages. Well, you certainly hear much bad advice coming from non-Christians and I'll address a couple of these items of bad advice here.

This is not an exhaustive or cleanly analytical list. There is some overlap and there are some gaps. Marriages are made up of unique individuals and no single formula aside from Paul's admonition to the Ephesians to submit to one another covers every aspect of marital life.

Expect Change

When you look at your young love through the eyes of hormonal bliss and see a thing of physical beauty looking back at you with eyes glazed over with the same hormonal bliss, it's wonderful. Expect it to change.

The hormones of a new relationship last perhaps two years. Childbearing years are often filled with new medical problems, stretch marks, short tempers, dirty diapers, no time alone, and many and sundry other things. You will see something different than starry hormones in each other's eyes. You will see bags, waning trust, discouragement and a sense of helplessness. You may even see plenty of anger depending on your spouse. Most people don't expect these things really. They had some idea that they married better than that and that "love is all we need", but when the rubber meets the road, the reality of sin in you and your partner's life comes to bear.

In the middle age years, expect those eyes to wander. Hey, we're supposed to be faithful, but we do a lot of things we're not supposed to do. If we see infidelity in some marriages, there's even more occasions where people think about it. Are you prepared to love a partner who thinks about cheating on you whether he or she actually does it? Are you prepared to do what you need to do to be faithful when the temptation arises in your own heart?

In old age, after a couple dozen different hair styles, diets and medical procedures, the hair will turn grey or white to the point where it's useless to color it anymore. No cream will be able to touch those wrinkles. Incontinence keeps visitors away and may threaten to keep each other away. I haven't gotten to that point so I'm guessing here. Viagra is poison. You'd have a heart attack if you got aroused. There's no going back when one of you physically can't have sex anymore. The kids and grandkids come to visit not as often as you would like. People treat you like a three-year-old although you were once a great leader of something. Well, you do act like a three-year-old anymore. That may be why. You look across the nursing home activity room and wonder that the person over there is really the same person you exchanged vows with; that you had the gumption to raise children together; that you... Wait - you finally remember that you divorced 20 years ago and that's not your spouse.

Things can change quickly. Have you considered what would happen if one of you were severely injured and the other had to spend the rest of their life doing little more than caring for the other without any hope of experiencing marital bliss ever again? It happens.

Things change - dramatically. Expect it.

Parents and Extended Family

You have the most wonderful parents in the world. Beware that they may let you know how wonderful they are as they point out what they perceive are your housekeeping, parenting and marital errors. You love them and even expect that when they are older you will have much to do to care for them. But right now, you just want to move to a different town. And if you are in a different town, you have to plan many trips to visit them so they can see their grandkids. You can't win for losing.

Expect a life of catering to your parents' wishes. You only thought you left home.


Between expecting changes and putting up with extended families, you might sober up enough to have some misgivings. That's a good thing. Not enough people go into marriage anymore with their eyes open. If you expect these things and are willing to take on the responsibility of being a lifelong mate for a fellow sinner as well as adopting his or her family and being insane enough to make more family that you are personally responsible for, then you may make a good go at it. Knowing that it's going to happen is half the battle.

Did I say "battle"?

Test Driving?

One piece of bad advice from the pop culture is really merely a justification for having sex without being married. It's the concept of "test-driving" a potential spouse. There are several problems with this, but if you think that people are meant to be tried out as though you were buying them, you have a serious issue with valuing other people. More on that in a moment.

Let's test-drive the metaphor and see if it flies. If you've ever had a car, you know that test-driving it is a bit superfluous. Most cars are similar enough that it really doesn't matter. Who do you think you are, a NASCAR driver? "She's a little loose; need to tighten her up a bit; she's sliding all over the track in the corners." Baloney. What have you been doing, borrowing other people's cars to practice on? If you are comparing buying an automobile to getting married, then you must know that the important information is in the maintenance, not the driving. As you maintain the vehicle, you can adapt it to your driving style. Today, cars are computer controlled and many are programmed to adapt themselves to your driving style. If the car is driven by many different drivers, it has trouble adapting and the car ends up driving you. Read between the lines.

If you only ever drive one car and that car has only been driven by you, then you will become he best driver of that car and the car will become the best car for you. I know whereof I speak. There is a psychological principle called imprinting. It happens in humans and many animals alike. It happens when a baby sees her parents. It also happens to lovers when they look at each other. It happens in a warped way when people view pornography. If you try out different "cars" before you finally "buy", then you defeat your imprinting. When you look at your spouse, do you see the valuable person that you share flesh with or just another person in a parade of lovers?

As a note, keep in mind that when you are married you are the only oasis for your spouse's libido. In most marriages, one or the other will desire sex more than the other. If you are the one who can go for months without even holding hands, you have to actually work at this and ask yourself where your spouse is finding relief for their libido if you are denying him or her. Do you want them to be tempted or do you want them to be tortured? Do you love your spouse enough to give them what they need to keep them rooted at home? This is more important to most couple's relationships than most will say, and possibly worth thinking about even before a couple marries. Regarding our "test-driving" metaphor, it's part of the maintenance. A car needs to be driven on a regular basis or bad things will happen under the hood.

To be sure, have you seen the owner of an antique automobile that he has had since he was young or that he has taken and restored. He cares for it day and night and it shines. He covers it to protect it and takes care of the smallest details to make sure everything is perfect. He spends time and money on the car. He looks far and wide to find special parts to meet the car's needs. He drives it and shows it off, but he doesn't like others to drive it. He's proud of it. He's known for it. He enters contests and expects to win awards for how good the car is.

Do you value your spouse like this man values his car? Do you care for him or her in every way. Where other spouses are broken and beaten do you protect your spouse? Indeed, if taking care of an antique car can increase its value, do you do what you need to do value your spouse more and more every day?

I have a self-imposed rule. I NEVER speak unkindly about my wife in public to ANYONE. I might make friendly light of some aspects of our marriage, but I never talk her down to other people. I strive always to bless her in public. I go out of my way to say good things about her to other people. I don't tolerate anyone saying unkind things about her. I can't say it particularly happens. I would get very put out if someone said something unkind about my wife.

However, I sometimes hear other people speak unkindly about their spouses and it saddens me. Do they not value the one person they have decided to invest their life in? If you aren't married, look at a potential mate and ask yourself if you could follow this rule when they rub you the wrong way or fail to meet your expectations. If you are married and have a difficult spouse, can you follow this rule?

I've gone almost 14 years with this rule intact and speaking blessings over my wife in public has become a source of self-fulfilling prophecies. I delight in the way she has grown as a person and a Christian. Her value increases with me all the time and I have heard from others how they envy our relationship.

Sanctification

And we are to grow as Christians. Understand this. As Christians we are being sanctified. As a married couple sharing one flesh you will be inextricably tied in to each other's sanctification. Have you ever been through God's discipline where he purified you with some fire? Sanctification is often not fun, but we also know the blessing of it.

Expect to go through difficult times with your spouse. You are not perfect. Your spouse is not perfect. Expect your spouse to be part of your sanctification. Expect to be part of your spouse's sanctification. I can't stress this enough. IT WON'T BE EASY! But learn to see the blessing in it as you are purified together as a couple.

In this light, don't think of yourself too highly. I've seen men try to dominate their wives. I've seen women try to manipulate their husbands. This is wrong. Has Christ dominated the Church by force? No. But he's perfect and gave his life for the Church. Has the Church tried to manipulate Christ? Yes. We're not perfect. But Christ will not be manipulated. He lovingly disciplines us. Likewise, a husband should not be harsh with his wife, but lead her kindly in all wisdom and understanding. The wife also must not cow her husband into sacrificial submission but win him with moral force.

I'm getting all this from Ephesians 5. A man is to submit himself sacrificially for the purity of his wife and meet her needs. A wife must submit to her husband as the Church is to submit to Christ. If a husband sins, the wife is not to submit to the sin, but to honor her husband in the Lord for the sin is not her husband if he is a Christian. I explained this to my kids the other night when they asked me what would happen if we were to ask them to sin, would they follow the command to honor us or the command not to sin. I explained that there is no honor outside of Christ. I can't imagine us asking them to sin, but if we did they should disobey us and obey God instead. While it would appear to be disobedient to us, obedience to God would actually honor us whether we recognized it or not. If they obeyed us into sin, they would dishonor themselves and we would dishonor them and us. Likewise, wives, submission to your husband never means to be disobedient to God.

Rather, when your spouse sins (and your spouse will sin, sometimes most grievously) pray for them and work with them respectfully to overcome the sin. Do not assume the worst and offer blessings when they do well. By this they will grow in Christ in all humility and love.

Finances and God's Provision

Many counselors talk about finances so I won't spend much time on them. We talked about finances in pre-marital counseling. It's an issue that drives a wedge between spouses as much or more than infidelity. I'll cut to the chase. If you are a Christian, what is your hope in? Who is your provider? Are you the provider? Do you trust in your finances? God who knows all things supplies your need. I have seen a Christian family become homeless. God still supplied their need.

I know a young lady who is engaged to be married. She was raised with her needs well provided for. Her husband to be will be going to seminary. He made out a budget for them based on their expected income and it was tight. She is panicking because she has never had to do without. Fear not when you lose possessions or even your house for any financial or natural calamity. More importantly, don't play the blame game with your spouse. If you have lost money because you have sinned, then work through it. However, trust God to provide your need. Who do you trust?

Ministerial Compatibility

You might have all the rest in the bag. You might be a high-end Christian who is on track and always contributes your time, gifts and monies in every way possible to the glory of God and his kingdom. If so, you are feeling called to do something with all this kingdom energy. You are feeling called to ministry.

What do you do if you are called to be a missionary to Africa and your spouse-to-be is called to be a professional Christian musician traveling in the US? There are two options. Either one or both of you must give up your calling or you must reconsider getting married. If you are already married, then you only have one option. You must do things where you can minister together or minister in different ways in the same place. Your calling must be tempered in this light. Not every Christian woman has the strength to be a pastor's wife. Not every Christian man will follow his wife to Africa where she is called to run an orphanage.


...and they all lived happily ever after.

Whatever Happened to Courting?

Apparently, "hooking up" is the new norm. Where once teens dated a few times and if things worked out they might have sex, now it seems that they have a sex a few times and if things work out they might go on a date.

When I was in high school, you "went with" someone until your parents let you go on a date. That was the 80's. You got to see your girlfriend or boyfriend at school, the mall or a party with a bunch of other people around. That was the 80s.

What's the purpose of "dating" or "hooking up"? At that age, kids aren't likely to marry their high school sweethearts. Hormones are in full swing, but making commitments and keeping covenants aren't taught sociologically. With a divorce rate over 50% there's little concept of purpose in relationship. Boys enjoy sex without commitment and girls hope that having sex will eventually lead to commitment, but the boundaries of respect and honor have been all but erased.

If there is no established goal of monogamous marriage, there is no purpose beyond mere narcissistic self-fulfillment. Even the desire for commitment as a reason for sexual submission is self-depreciation for the sake of self-fulfillment. That's just plain irrational.

My wife and I dated. We were adults and dating was normal. We actually started spending time as friends. We enjoyed hiking and watching movies together. Once we realized that there was something more developing, we called our getting together "dating". When I went away to school, I fought tooth and nail to see her nearly every weekend. One weekend my car broke down and she drove the two and a half hours to my school to come get me so we could be together. We were ready to commit and I did what few do anymore: I spoke to her dad.

Before the phenomenon of dating there was courting. Even as young adults the suitor would call on a woman in her home where others were present. They would sit together and develop a relationship with the intent of eventual marriage. If the two were idologically or developmentally incompatible, this would soon be discovered and marriage would be averted. If the two were in agreement, then the suitor would appeal to the woman's father or other familial advocate or defender for her hand in marriage. The point is that the relationship was predicated on mutual honor, respect, and devoted commitment without which a marital covenant will run afoul.

Whatever happened to courtship? I suppose I could guess at the degradation of western culture. Aren't we supposed to all be responsible and free to do whatever we want to do as long we don't hurt someone else? Aside from the fact that this fails to presuppose the fallen nature of mankind, a failure to honor others is harmful to the defense of their boundaries. Inasmuch as others are complicit in the degradation of those boundaries, they likewise inflict harm by not holding the other accountable.

Finally, children are harmed by the lack of self-respect their parents unwittingly place on them by allowing the degradation of the culture to inform their lack of values. Why else are such as teen suicide, cutting and murder on the increase?

Wisdom has been replaced with such as street cred and ill-placed liberties. May we come to our collective senses sooner rather than later.

Old Photos - When Mom met Dad: 1961-1965

You may notice that most of the photos lately feature my mom. That's because she enjoyed photography throughout her early adulthood. She was an artist of both sight and sound with photography and painting as well as music. She was also adept at all the crafts associated with growing up on a small Midwestern farm such as growing vegetables and other plants, canning and the culinary arts as well as sewing and quilting.

One story of my mom was that the dress she wore to her senior prom in high school was made by she and her mom. They did such a great job that the more well-to-do girls marveled at her and wondered where she acquired such a fine dress. While Mom was a farm girl and no stranger to soil and hard work, she was also elegant and very intelligent.

Born Ruth Arlene Reeder, this was my mom in college:


She majored in Music Education and English:


She went to college at Cumberland College in my dad's hometown of Williamsburg, KY. My dad also majored in Music Education. Mom is the flautist and Dad is the bassoonist. Those white socks are classic.


I most remember Mom playing the piano and singing. She even directed the choir at our church in Ohio for a time. Dad has played the guitar and sang primarily although I've known him to play the piano for his own enjoyment. Here he is on my grandparent's porch when he and my mom were courting. I have no idea who the girl behind him is. She's either a cousin or a fellow student.


Of course they spent a lot of time together:


They also enjoyed the outdoors:


They both graduated. Dad taught as a high school band director for a time and mom became an English teacher. Dad later went back to school to earn his degree in a brand new medical field: that of the Physician's Assistant.


I've seen the graduation photo above countless times and have only just noticed the engagement ring. Of course they were married soon after graduation. I have all kinds of the classic wedding photos of them at the church, but this isn't one you see very often:


A happy ending, perhaps, but happy endings are the beginnings of new stages in life.

Something Light for V-Day

For many years I had a difficult time understanding members of the fairer gender. Here are a couple of examples recently found in the comics:

Earlier in my life I was baffled by the fact that the girls I knew claimed to want nice guys and would pursue bad boys. Perhaps they didn’t know that nice guys were watching and saw that their actions didn’t comport with what they said. In the BC strip it’s a good thing the guy keeps walking. The girl doesn’t really want him. She only wants him to give her the opportunity to have the upper hand. In Peanuts, Violet doesn’t like either Pig Pen or Charlie Brown and is confronted with the need to raise the bar from one to the next so that she is justified in her preferences.

Aren’t we all a little bit like this? We all need love, but we tend to give it rather conditionally. What we don’t realize is that people are often watching. It's nice to give love unconditionally, although you still don't know who is watching.

My wife, Lois, is in Alabama this week with the kids and Ised, our missionary from Venezuela, so my V-Day will be spent working on a project… alone. Sunday night after the church service several people were talking afterwards. I forgot I was in church and spoke one of my love languages to Lois. My love languages are affection and words of affirmation. (Lois’ love language is service.) Anyway, many of the Venezuela team were standing around talking to Ised, and Lois and I were standing a short ways off getting ready to pack everything and everyone up and go home. Lois had turned with her back to me and I reached around her shoulders from behind and gave her a peck on the neck. I heard a series of hoots and whistles from the team. You never know who’s paying attention.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!!

Spiritual Discernment in Marriage

Speaking as someone who is in a successful marriage I can tell you that the ride gets bumpy. Emotions change. Bodies change. We go through spiritually dark times in our lives. We go through dire physical ailments. How many successfully married people are interested in letting others really know what criteria they use to make it work? Here is my list:


Make sure you have someone...

1. ...you can forgive when (s)he confesses to you of serious sins against you and repents. (...and who will repent when (s)he sins!)
2. ...to whom you can confess having sinned against, who will forgive you as you repent. (...and you must repent when you sin!).
3. ...for whom you can set your pride aside to serve sacrificially.
4. ...who will set aside his/her pride and serve you sacrificially.
5. ...who will not manipulate you emotionally.
6. ...who you will not manipulate emotionally.
7. ...who you can love when his/her health makes it impossible to return your love.
8. ...who will love you when your health makes it impossible to return his/her love.
9. ...who will not speak unkindly of you to others.
10. ...who you will not speak unkindly of to others.
11. ...who you will love when you do not find him/her very lovable.
12. ...who will love you when (s)he does not find you very lovable.
13. ...with whom you share a ministerial vision.
14. ...with whom you can pray and study the Bible.

Infidelity and Divorce Among the Faithful

Emotional attraction is a mysterious thing to me. It seems that there are so many factors in the attraction equation. In all cases, the question of attraction can be boiled down to one observation, and that is this: that one is attracted to something or someone because there is a need that one perceives, often not consciously or deliberately, that the object of the attraction can meet. We tend to be attracted to people for friendship because the personality of certain others is such that we wish to identify with them. They may resonate with us in some way or exhibit characteristics that we don’t have, but wish we did.

I’m attracted to unique individuals because I am a unique individual and most everyone else has a level of predictability that fails to stimulate me interpersonally. We may choose a certain automobile because we think that others will see us favorably, or at least more accurately, behind the wheel. I know people who drive vans and call them SUVs. Why? Because they perceive a certain sociological stigma with driving a van and they fear being identified as one who is in such mean estate as to warrant driving a van.

One thing my wife and I learned in premarital counseling is that it is unreasonable to expect one’s spouse to meet all of one’s emotional needs. We are to be identified with one another explicitly, exclusively, mutually and mortally with regard to our marital covenant. However, while we are principally and in principle to meet one another’s needs, realistically we will each have needs that may preclude our capacity to fulfill our purpose from time to time. God is certainly aware of this.

No married couple is an island. We have the sociological context of family, church and community, all of which may overlap. We must develop good relationships with those outside the marriage who likewise support our marriage. When the struggles of daily life present the temptation to play the Adam, Eve and serpent blame game, we need the ear of someone who won’t be put off by the disclosure of our distress and who is trustworthy to provide the proper perspective on the sacrificial service we are called to bear for our spouse.

The divorce rate is alarmingly high. The divorce rate among Christian churchgoers is no different than that outside the church. Perhaps it is because mature Christians don’t cohabitate sans marriage like many non-Christians. If you throw the breakups of cohabitating couples into the statistical mix, then a striking difference may be noted. Nevertheless, Christians should not be divorcing each other.

What has changed to cause the divorce rate has escalated? Perhaps it is that sociological expectations have changed. Commitment to a marriage was once expected of spouses by those who knew them and had some influence in their lives. But the influence of others has changed. Wher we were once influenced locally by others who knew us, we have been increasingly influenced by the opinions of celebrities in the media who decidedly don't know us.

Who gives others influence over our lives? We do. However, it is a sign of weakness to allow others to have influence over us. We know this because we allow those who espouse such a view to have influence over us. We see the view espoused in movies. We see popular people and strong leaders who have other bend their will to theirs by for no other reason than they have a charisma that draws other people to them - not because they are particularly wise.

The people who should have influence over us are those who who would improve our marriage. First, our spouse, inasmuch as he or she is obedient to Christ. Secondly, our freinds and family inasmuch as they are obedient to Christ. Thirdly, our church family and ministers inasmuch as they are obedient to Christ. Christ established the pattern for a marriage in the willingness to sacrifice all for your spouse.

The same sociological degredation that is destroying our marriages also causes distrust in the community at large. We suspect, often correctly so, that when others ask how we are doing today they don't really want to know the truth. We are often more concerned with whether we are being awkward than with building true friendships. We don't engage others on a level where they are in a position to influence us positively because we don't trust that they will actually want to help us. Furthermore, and not so tangentially, the homosexual agenda has caused otherwise straight people to fear this sociological intimacy that is necessary for personal influential accountability.

When we don't recieve the emotional intimacy we need through appropriate means, we are prone to percieve that the need can be met in otherwise inappropriate ways. A husband who finds himself attracted to a woman who is not his wife percieves that she will meet the needs that are not being met otherwise. For a church to handle an adulterous husband with proper church discipline is good. However, when the church fails to encourage the appropriate relationships that would have prevented the adultery in the first place, then the church as a body needs to repent for they have not ministered to the sinful man and encouraged righteousness. Indeed, the ills of fallen society have permeated our Christian fellowship.

I've become increasingly convicted of this and have sought to find a means to encourage the growth of a men's ministry in my church which has a corporate foundation, but draws on the strength of the personal invesment of individuals in the ministry. A program will fail, but changing sociological expectations is the only way to succeed in changing the viability of marriages in the church. If you are a Christian man, I encourage you to take steps in your own church to these ends for it is only on a local level through the actions of individuals that this trend will change and we will become truly faithful to Christ in our marriages.

What's the Measure of Your Heart?

"A heart is not judged by how much you love but by how much you are loved by others." The Wizard of Oz (to the Tin Man)

Are you lovable? None of us are intrinsically lovable. One might wonder if the Wiz even had it right. It's true that we are commanded by Christ to love, but is that the measure of our heart?

I've been editing a video of our recent Christmas Concert at church. Right now, I'm waiting for the final cut of the second piece to export. It has 40 more minutes. What's missing from it is some fantastic camera work done by a girl studying cinematography in college. She even brought a good high-definition video camera from school. it uses the same miniDV tapes that mine does. When she was done, she gave me the tapes. I took them home and found out that the high-def format isn't playable on my camera. There was no way for me to capture the video she took with her camera.

We met at church, she with her camera and I with my laptop and had a capture party. After fiddling with the hardware to get the computer to recognize the camera, we were off. We captured all the video and I got to see the great closeups she got. A few hours later we were finished and I had some great video saved to files on my hard drive - or so I thought. When I got home, I found the files and tried to play them. They were blank except for some video that she shot with my camera. The format wasn't compatible with my software. I just don't have the capacity to process high-definition video. The greatest video I have are clips I can't use. All that work for nothing.

What is the measure of the value of the video? Is it merely utilitarian? That's what I'm tempted to say here. The high-def clips are useless. They exceed the capacity of the program. They outshine the quality of the other video but no one will ever see them. I have the tapes and no means to play them or use them. They will not make the final cut. However, their value transcends their usefulness. In them is encoded the greatest expression of the Christmas program that I have and I will treasure what they represent.

The pattern of Christ is encoded in creation. The Bible is inerrant and is our certain source of truth. However, truth exists outside the text of the Bible inasmuch as it agrees with the text of the Bible. This truth is to be sought for its intrinsic value. This is why I used the quote from the Wizard of Oz. I'll also use this song from Icicle Works:

Love Is Full Of Wonderful Colour

My friend and I, were talking one evening,
Beside some burning wood,
Trading tales of places we came upon,
When the times were good,

Spoke of a girl he viewed like no other,
Whom he had come to know,
I swallowed hard and listened intently,
Resigned beside the glow...

Always there, it's standing proudly,
When all else falls down,
It's all around you, didn't it find you,
When you said you couldn't be found,

When love calls me, I will be running swiftly,
To find out just what all the fuss is all about,
Unrelentless, deep in the strangest feelings,
Believe me, love is full of wonderful colour...

I insist that you pick the wrong one,
To preach your theories to,
Simmer down, we'll run for a reason,
To see what faith can do,

Love is a beacon, on the horizon,
Watch when you touch down,
Reality finds you fumbling for reasons,
when the chance comes 'round

Take my confidence to guide you,
Through the fallen hope inside you,
Love is full of wonderful colour

Who knows precisely what the composer really meant by these words. This is a style of writing that is often nebulous although it sounds deep. however, there are some things to note that are pertinent to my observation here. Although, "a girl he viewed like no other" seems to indicate that the value is in the one who loves, he's talking about being loved: "didn't it find you, When you said you couldn't be found". "Take my confidence to guide you, through the fallen hope inside you." While these words can be interpreted different ways, the measure of our heart is not in that we love, but that we are loved. When we have hope in no other and when we are alone in this world, the value of our heart is in the love that we are given by God.

I love the word "confidence". We usually attribute this to someone who is self-assured. However, the word literally means "with faith". In whom do we have faith? If we measure the value of our heart by our own capacity to love, we have faith in ourselves. If we measure the value of our heart by how much we are loved, we have faith in another. "...we'll run for a reason, To see what faith can do, Love is a beacon, on the horizon." Do we operate according to our own capacity to understand or do we have a sure source of guidance?

I'm not referencing the Bible for a reason here. This is a truth that is easily found in the Bible. Do you know it well enough to find it in there? If not, then perhaps you don't know the love that God has for you. It is a truth that is pervasive enough for the Wizard of Oz to pick up on it as well as the decidedly secular New Age band, Icicle Works.

God loves you enough to come to this world in the person of the Son, born in Bethlehem 2000 years ago. He loves you enough to pay the penalty for your inability to love and your status as one who is unlovable. Nevertheless, He loves you. The value of your heart is contingent not on your failed attempts at love, but on God's perfect love for you. The value of your heart is not contingent on a truth that you can invent on your own, but on the truth the God gives us. Pick up the Bible and learn the truth about His love if you don't already know it.

God bless you this Christmas season.

The Greatest Thing I Don't Know

"Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies." I Cor. 8:1

There are those who generate knowledge and those who use knowledge. Ultimately, all knowledge is created by God. Some knowledge is discovered like the laws of physics. The laws of physics as they are discovered are described using contrived means of mathematics and language. This is generated knowledge. Art can be said to be created. However, art is created with minds and lives influenced by no means outside of God’s created order. Inasmuch as art communicates anything, it must rely on some common frame of reference. So, all knowledge comes from God and is discovered and generated by people.

What good is knowledge? People claim great knowledge for the purpose of appearing worthy of praise and honor. If a truth is discovered, what purpose does it serve just to know it? This question has been asked by students for generations. A well-rounded education, we may say, is necessary to help us to apprehend and apply useful information. Without the practice of having learned information and having learning how to apply the information, even if we will never use the information later in life, it provides a foundation and framework for understanding the world around us within which we can use to correctly identify, place and utilize new information.

Aside from this, knowledge is useless unless used. What should we do with one who seeks to share knowledge? What good is the work of a physicist unless an engineer applies the knowledge he generates? What good is the work of a composer of music without musicians to perform his music? What good is the study and theorization of theologians and philosophers without ministers and politicians to apply it to the lives of people for good or for ill? What good is the work of an author without a publisher to distribute his words to those who will read it and be edified? What good is a teacher without students? What good is a cartographer without people who don’t want to get lost? What good is it when the King of Glory comes with knowledge of the Father and we do not recognize Him? "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Mat. 25:40

We must worship God in spirit and in truth. What good is the knowledge of the truth of God without worshippers? What good is love without the least of these?

If a physicist theorizes and has no engineer;
If an economist reports trends and has no businessman;
If a composer composes and has no musicians;
If musicians perform and have no audience;
If a philosopher speculates and has no politicians;
If a scholar compiles information and has no teacher;
If a teacher teaches and has no students;
If a theologian struggles with God and has no ministry;
If worshippers do not worship the true God…

…then what's the use?

I like my coffee like I like my women: [fill in the blank]. The very statement is suggestive without the punch line. Some answers I’ve heard are cute – others pretentious or suggestive. All in all, I like coffee enough that I keep a cup with some to sip on it throughout much of the day. Generally, I’ll take it any way I can get it, but I prefer it sweet with cream and any of a variety of flavors. I can say that I like my coffee like I like my women. Since I’m married, I should qualify this: I like my coffee like I like my wife:

Strong

Over the years I have come to appreciate strong coffee. You may think of strong coffee as being highly caffienated. Granted, caffeine has its benefits as well as its drawbacks. But The strength I like has more to do with taste. I don’t like watery coffee. It’s bland. I like espressos and dark roasts for the fullness of strength in aroma and taste.

The strength I refer to is not the mere strength of body or intellect, although I can appreciate both. It is the strength of character. We like to see strong people in positions of leadership. However, we often confuse confidence and bullheaded opinion for strength of character. Confidence is a dubious word anyway. The word “confidence” literally means, “with faith”. Too often, however, the faith of someone who has confidence is in themselves. A godly leader, by contrast, realizes his flaws and does not have faith in his self. A godly leader has faith in God. We do a great disservice to our fellowship by following leaders who have confidence primarily in themselves and failing to follow people who have placed all their confidence in God. I desire my wife to have that confidence in God, recognizing her own flaws in humility and seeking to grow according to our Lord and His commandments. That’s what it means to be “with faith”: confident; strong in the Lord.

Fresh

I like fresh beans, freshly roasted, freshly ground, freshly brewed. Only then can you get a good sense of the intention behind the blend of beans.

People are best when fresh. When we get caught up in the status quo, we tend to stagnate. Christians will become less effective as ministers. The truth must remain fixed, but the truth remains fresh despite its steadfastness. We may claim to be steadfast while dying the death of irrelevance. The weightlifter once arriving at his desired strength or form doesn’t proclaim that he has arrived and promptly stop working out. He will become flabby. He must continue to lift weights afresh each day to remain strong. A good woman likewise recognizes that she must continue her life each day in prayer and praise to our Lord, ministering according to the needs of those to whom she is called. Otherwise, she will become bitter…

Not bitter

A poor blend of beans, beans that have not been grown properly or coffee that is old will grow bitter.

As people age, their hearts may also become old. I know it’s anachronistically cliché, but there’s something to the “Young At Heart” at many churches. But one doesn’t have to have many years to have a heart that is old and bitter. It is not simply an attitude of being young, but of being able to adapt to the changes that God has for us to undergo, for these changes are here to improve us like aging a wine rather than by placing new wine in old wineskins. I like a woman who heart has remained steadfast in the Lord, but pliable enough to be used as an instrument to guide younger people without spoiling or souring them with bitterness.

Sweet

I’ve been using artificial sweeteners long enough to prefer them to sugar. Either way, I like my coffee like southerners like their tea – thick enough with sweet stuff to stand a spoon in.

Doug Savage of Savage Chickens recently drew a panel where a chicken was walking through “happy land” and everything was sickeningly sweet. This sort of sweet is sickening because the sweetness is disingenuous. I’ve known church members like this. Fortunately, none of the people I know in my church right now are like this to any discernable degree of sickening-ness. There is a sweetness to a heart that is genuinely concerned and compassionate for the needs of others. There is no degree of sweetness in this regard that is sickening. I like a woman who has this genuine sweetness that is so thick, honorable men are happily emboldened to arise and stand in her presence and her children learn the courage to stand on their own.

Warm

Coffee is best made when it’s hot. However, I hate having my tongue burnt – you can’t taste the coffee very well with a burnt tongue. You have to wait until it is warm and cozy. I like the mug to be inviting for me to wrap my hands around when it is cold.

When the world is lonely and cold, it is good to have a wife who will give a warm hug and a kiss and invite her husband to a comfortable place in his home where the chill of the world is dispelled.

Smooth and Creamy

I'm a vocalist. Drinking coffee with a lot of cream coats my throat and gets into my vocal chords. It's not good to sing with all that cream all over my throat. Nevertheless, I love good cream in my coffee. It really takes the bite off the coffee.

I can appreciate the fact that people who are raising their kids alone have a difficult task. Even just being single without kids can be difficult without a partner of some sort. When you have a partner, the idea is that the work is split up between the two of you. You can even get used to not having to do a lot of things. A good wife makes it possible for all things to be covered so that life goes smoothly.

Firmly grounded

Good coffee has been ground to perfection for the method of brewing. It takes more than the cheap little coffee grinder I have. It does well enough, but a good grind will make the perfect cup.

A good woman as far as I'm concerned is firmly grounded in the Christian faith. Learning and applying the truth of the gospel of Christ revealed in the Bible is the key method by which the Holy Spirit perfects us.

Spicy

I like coffee with a lot of flavor in and of itself. However, I also like flavor added. There are many that I have enjoyed. Vanilla and hazelnut are common favorites. I like raspberry and white chocolate, ginger or nutmeg, cinnamon or chai spice. There are many others. Spice is the little creative something that keeps things interesting.

Not only can a person stagnate, but a relationship can stagnate. When you get used to a routine, the fun you had learning and establishing a routine goes away. Spice is when you get creative and break out of your routine. It keeps the relationship interesting. A date night can do this as long as your date nights are not always to the same places doing the same things. I like it when my wife and I do something a little different. In Venezuela one evening, my wife had worked out that we would go to a fancy restaurant across town - alone. This was a bit of a surprise to me. Some of the church members helped out as far as breaking us away from the team, transporting us to the restaurant and helping us order some of the fancy foods they had there. The interesting thing was that the restaurant was completely devoid of patrons save for us. We had the entire wait staff to ourselves. We ditched the kids for our anniversary. I got a room with a jacuzzi here in town and spent the afternoon decorating the room with flowers, petals and night time refreshments. These are the things that make life spicy.

The kind you can wake up to… …and the kind that can keep you going all day long…

Yes, caffeine can enhance your energy usage. If I drink coffee after supper, it's decaffeinated. I have trouble enough sleeping without adding to it. However, I'm not much of a morning person and my mind is rather muddled until I get a good dose of oxygen flowing through it. Caffeine helps kick the body into breathing deeper by requiring more oxygen.

This is where the similarity ends. Coffee keeps you up because it's a drug you use. But my comment here refers to a woman who knows how to commit and to whom I am willing to commit. I am comforted because my wife has demonstrated an unwavering commitment to me and our marriage. I have made a similar commitment to her and have striven to demonstrate it. In the morning when I wake up with my bride asleep next to me, I know that I can go to work and she will be with me. For I do not belong to myself. I belong to my Lord and He has given me to my wife for as long we both live.

I thought this video was neat. Coffee as an art form. That's a little more cream than I would use, though.

What I Covet

It rained for a short bit yesterday. During this drought in the southeast United States, we sure have been coveting rain. That’s a big covet, but it’s only for a season. Speaking of seasons, my oldest son’s soccer team is going on to the championship games. They’ve played very well and I’m certainly pleased with this accomplishment. However, this isn’t a matter of covetousness for me – I’m not a big sports fan.

I touched on the definition of covet in my last post. For those who detest labels arguing they have no substance, I offer the following (if you already understand the first few lines of this then just scroll down to the meat of my article):

cov·et·ed , cov·et·ing , cov·ets
VERB:
tr.

1. To feel blameworthy desire for (that which is another's).
2. To wish for longingly.

VERB:
intr.

To feel immoderate desire for that which is another's.

ETYMOLOGY:
Middle English coveiten, from Old French coveitier, from covitie, desire, from Latin cupidits, from cupidus, desirous, from cupere, to desire

Source: Houton Mifflin’s American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language

As you can see, the English “covet” is the etymological synonym for “desire” and is related to the name of the god of love in Roman mythology, Cupid. The counterpart in Greek mythology is Eros, which is also the Greek word for sexual desire and the root of the modern English word, erotic.

The scripture is found at the end of the Judeo-Christian Decalogue (all scripture quotations from the NASB):

Exodus 20:17
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
Exodus 20:16-18 (in Context) Exodus 20 (Whole Chapter)

Deuteronomy 5:21
"You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, and you shall not desire your neighbor's house, his field or his male servant or his female servant, his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
Deuteronomy 5:20-22 (in Context) Deuteronomy 5 (Whole Chapter)

The Hebrew word translated “covet” here is transliterated “Chamad”.

Strong's Number: 02530 Browse Lexicon

Original Word	Word Origin
dmx	a primitive root
Transliterated Word	TDNT Entry
Chamad	TWOT - 673
Phonetic Spelling	Parts of Speech
khaw-mad'

Definition v

1. to desire, covet, take pleasure in, delight in
1. (Qal) to desire
2. (Niphal) to be desirable
3. (Piel) to delight greatly, desire greatly n f
2. desirableness, preciousness

“Covet” is also translated into Greek by Paul in his letter to the Romans:

Romans 7:8
But sin, taking opportunity through the commandment, produced in me coveting of every kind; for apart from the Law sin is dead.
Romans 7:7-9 (in Context) Romans 7 (Whole Chapter)

The Greek word Paul uses is transliterated “Epithumeo”.

Strong's Number: 1937 Browse Lexicon

Original Word	Word Origin
epiqumeo	from (1909) and (2372)
Transliterated Word	TDNT Entry
Epithumeo	3:168,339
Phonetic Spelling	Parts of Speech
ep-ee-thoo-meh'-o	Verb

Definition

1. to turn upon a thing
2. to have a desire for, long for, to desire
3. to lust after, covet
1. of those who seek things forbidden

That’s the basic substance behind the label lest any disagree. Since many people often treat me as though I’m an idiot, I would normally assume the average person already knows the difference between fixed etymological foundations and the fluidity of current usage and would analyze the context of any comment I make with respect to intended meaning assuming that I likewise understand these things.

That said, what I covet is intensely and necessarily personal.

There are many things that I once enjoyed such as certain television programs, movies, games and a plethora of intellectual pursuits. What I have noticed is that people who enjoy certain of these enjoy sharing them with others of similar pursuits. Such creates community where people can interact on a deeper personal level.

My capacity for pursuing things tends to exceed that of others. For example, if I involve myself with physicists discussing new trends, discoveries or cosmologies, these same may not likely share my understanding of music. If I involve myself with musicians discussing performance experiences, composition techniques, harmonic differences between styles, the use of certain instruments, etc. the same may not likely share my understanding of theological nuances. If I hang out with seminarians discussing finer soteriological differences between Luther and Calvin, the merits of complimentarianism versus egalitarianism, etc., the same are likely not to share my understanding of industrial cost analyses. I may hang out with the corporate leadership of my company and discuss the application of lean manufacturing in a job shop, cost accounting justifications of process methodologies and the implication of international market forces on raw materials prices, but it’s not likely that they will have a working knowledge of the anthropological foundations that drive those international market forces. I can get together with missionaries who are well conversant on things of ethnical and anthropological importance with respects to particular people groups, but they probably won’t have any information beyond elementary physics on the properties that God has created to hold this universe together.

I would that I could share all of these with someone. But this does not seem possible. I possess a uniquely integrated philosophy that is incomprehensible to nearly everyone else. It is also contingent on the possession of myself by my Creator who gives me life and to whom I offer all I am. Nearly all of the others who might possess the capacity for developing an understanding of these are not yet so quickened.

I worship my Lord almost constantly. I mentioned the Regulative Principle recently. The Regulative Principle refers exclusively to corporate worship because all of our individual thoughts and activities should be offered as worship – except – that all of our corporate activities should be offered as worship in the larger sense that worship is obedience. All of our utterances should be psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. All of our daily activities should be in service to one another. All of our special activities should be in communion with the Body of Christ. This is likewise corporate worship.

When I come to church on Sunday morning, I bring with me the worship that I have offered all week and display it before and with my brothers and sisters in Christ. When I rehearse music to offer to the congregation either with the choir or alone, I worship to the music. When it is time to offer it in worship before the congregation, I merely worship as I have been. I need to exhibit no pretensions. I am as I am when no one sees me. If anything, I exhibit my worship less in a church service so as not to cause any to stumble.

When asked by my sister in Christ what I might buy a lot of for my own satisfaction, this is what went through my head in a single moment. What I covet beyond all things I could not adequately express with a few words. For what I covet is ever increasing depth in my relationships with others in the name of my Lord – this includes especially the fulfillment of the Great Comission. All else, while temporally useful or even permissibly given by God for our enjoyment, will pass away.

Romans 13:9
For this, "YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, YOU SHALL NOT MURDER, YOU SHALL NOT STEAL, YOU SHALL NOT COVET," and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."
Romans 13:8-10 (in Context) Romans 13 (Whole Chapter)

The uber-positive of the command not to covet is the command to love. Now go back and look at the etymological relationship of covet with the Greek “eros” that I told you scroll past. The Greek word translated “love” in Rom 13:9 is decidedly not “eros” – it is “agapao”. Paul’s usage of agapao means “to love sacrificially”, i.e. after the pattern of Christ. This is the context of the teaching of the law.

I sat down with my wife last night and watched “Spanglish”. My eyes moistened as I allowed myself to be moved by a conviction illustrated by the characters that there was something called “right” and “wrong” as they pursued the “right” thing. As such, the ending was both sad and something to be lauded as that which brings joy over and against happiness. In a world of the illicit relationships normally promoted by Hollywood, this was an excellent movie.

Therefore, not all relationships can have the same intimacy. Nevertheless, when my wife and I pass from this world and see each other in the next, we will not be married as we are now. Instead, we will have a greater intimacy that we will share with all throughout eternity.

I delight in nurturing and watching my children grow. It is my intent to instill in them this same understanding of sacrifice in relationships. It is my goal to give them this same desire for relationship that will drive them to offer the light of truth to the intellectually blind and lift others up in sacrifice in the name of Christ so that they may know our Lord. Herein is the depth we should have in our relationships, that our Creator is honored and glorified in all that we do.

Falling in Love

In my previous post, I posted some photos from my recent hike over Stone Mountain. NC. This is where my wife and I started to fall in love. Let me tell you the story:

I had just come home from UNC-Charlotte and was bound for Columbia Bible College in the fall. Having secured a day job through a temp agency I had evenings off for normal activities. So I joined the choir. Lois had been singing in the choir for a few months already. She had just her first year of college. Sheryl Merritt was a nanny and had only joined the church, and the choir, recently. Bob McCanless had felt the call to ministry and was bound for seminary in the fall. Bob and I both sang baritone and sat next to each other. Lois and Sheryl both sang soprano and sat next to each other.

One Wednesday evening at choir practice, I shared with Bob my plans to go hiking at Stone Mountain that coming Saturday. I was going to pack a lunch and a Bible and do some studying on the rock. I had no one to go with and Bob asked if he could join me. I thought that would be a great idea. After choir as we came down from the back row to put our music up, we passed Lois and Sheryl. On a whim, Bob asked if they wanted to go hiking with us Saturday. They both liked the idea. Suddenly, my trip alone turned into a trip of four.

We agreed to meet at church that morning and make driving plans then. None of us had a car big enough to seat four comfortably with all our gear so Bob and I decided to drive our cars and each take one of the ladies. Lois rode with me and Sheryl rode with Bob. I've never been a big country music fan, but I happened to have a couple of Garth Brooks albums with me. Lois listened to country music some in those days and plugged one in. We sang along to the likes of "Papa Loved Momma", "I Got Friends in Low Places" and "Shameless" all the way up. We got to the mountain, hiked up it and sat down for lunch and some Bible study. We prayed and ate and I led a discussion of Proverbs for a good two hours before we decided that we ought to get back to hiking. On the trail, there was plenty of time for good talk.

As great as this was, we didn't really pair up until movie night a couple of weeks later. Sheryl was a live-in Nannie for the Drs. Petrozza. Occasionally, the whole family would leave for the weekend and Sheryl would have the house to herself. They had a home theater in the basement, so Sheryl invited us all over to watch a couple of movies.

For the first movie, Bob sat in the sofa on one side, Lois sat in the sofa on the other and Sheryl and I sat in the double recliner in the center. During the course of the movie, my hand slipped off the side of the chair next to where Lois was. She had scooted up to the armrest of the sofa and was drooping her hand off into mid-air toward my chair. An hour or so later of millimeter-by-millimeter edging ever closer, our hands finally touched and gradually clung to each other.

The intermission brought a slight change in where we sat. I moved over onto the couch with Lois and Bob filled the seat I vacated next to Sheryl. By the end of the second movie, Bob and Sheryl were holding hands and Lois and I were comfortably snuggled together.

The rest is history...

---

By the way, Lois just posted her first photos from Venezuela. She shows what she and the kids are doing with some of the children from the poorer neighborhoods.

---

Next post, the proposal...

How Well Do You Love?

Let me start off with some fun stuff from Blogthings. Then I'll have some more serious commentary afterward. As a disclaimer, these are not necessarily accurate, but I'm having fun with them...

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! [actually, I'm intensly loyal] There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. [it's not "eye candy" that attracts me] Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. [How does this comport with the monogamy thing above?] And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together. [Yes!!!!!]

The Five Variable Love Test

Your Psyche is Green [I was hoping for Purple!!!!]

You radiate love, empathy, and acceptance. You are able to relax almost everyone you meet. You are naturally comforting. [Too often I just make people nervous.] Balanced and flexible, you only seem perfect! When you are too green: you are jealous, manipulative, and deceptive [I swore off being manipulative in High School] When you don't have enough green: you feel sluggish and out of sorts

What Color Is Your Psyche?

Your Love Type: INFJ

The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship. [Why not?] For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. [Amen!] Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in. However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. [I have to. Who can handle all of me at once? Besides, I'd just be full of myself if I let loose. Gotta give it all to the other person.] Best matches: ENTP and ENFP

What's Your Love Type?

You Are 50% Passionate, 50% Compassionate

You possess an ideal balance of passion and compassion. You definitely can get swept away and lose your head a little. [A Little?!?!?!?!?] But you're rarely a fool for love! [Ahem. Too often a fool for love is more like it...]

Is Your Love Style Passionate or Compassionate?

You Are A Realistic Romantic

It's easy for you to get swept away by romance... [Yup...] But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective. [Yup...] You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets [Absolutely... Anyone ever read Song of Solomon?] You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line! [Who needs a pick up line? I vote for a tickle fight...]

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect [Woo-hoo!!! My wife can confirm this... Honey? Honey? Stop laughing...]

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it. You have the confidence to make the first move. And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best. Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

It's easy to love the lovable.
CAN I GET YOUR ATTENTION HERE?!?!?!
Scroll down and stop salivating over the little romantic pictures...
I said...

It's easy to love the lovable.

Here's a quote:

"We only love Christ as much as the person we love the least."

I don’t remember where I heard this quoted recently. It may have been on a Xanga blog or one of the other Christian source blogs I peruse regularly. However, I’ve been pondering it with respect to some of what I read in the Bible about true love. I have to wonder how much I truly love Christ. Psalm 116 begins with the statement “I love the Lord…” How could the psalmist write this honestly? I think about John 14:15, look inside my heart, and recognize that I do not have enough love in my heart for perfect obedience. Does any of us? If we don’t have perfect obedience, then does it not follow that we wouldn’t have perfect love?

Peter learned his lesson. He said, “Even though all may fall away because of You, I will never fall away… Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You.” He ate his words.

Was Christ not lovable enough for Peter to love Him to the extreme? Ah. So we have trouble loving even the most lovable.

How then can we resonate with Psalm 116 and fulfill John 14:15? The fun "love" tests that resulted in the "blogthings" above seem as they are: shallow, material, and self-centered. If I have made a decision FOR Christ, what decision have I made? I have noticed improvement in my spiritual development. However, I have not arrived at a point where I can say, "I love the Lord" and mean it perfectly.

Nevertheless, He loves me enough to die on the cross for me. He chose me. I have nothing but to be grateful. I cannot be grateful unless I admit that I have not loved Him enough, for if I have loved Him enough then there is something I can boast about. He loves me and I desire it. In spite of myself, my gratitude opens me up to occasionally show the love of Christ to others. This is the Holy Spirit of God at work. In the meek and lowly I see the mark of my Lord and I desire Him. I reach down and lift up. I love the Lord.

Musings on Love for Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is the tame bump in the road between Christmas and Easter that often happens near the not-so-tame Mardi Gras (depending on where you are), dark and dour Ash Wednesday (for you liturgical types) and a fiery St. Patty’s Day (for those whose hearts burn green for Erin) a month later. Arguably, Christmas is more about true love than Valentine’s Day. Nevertheless, it’s nice to have the opportunity to bolster our benevolent inclinations of fondness toward one another, whether romantic or innocent.

My daughter, Hope, just turned 8 a couple of weeks ago. The ‘Y’ held a father-daughter dance. (Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve never seen so many Baptists show up to a dance.) The daughters were all about my daughter’s age,so dancing sometimes involved bouncing a balloon back and forth. We did such dances as the Hokey-Pokey, the chicken dance and the limbo (dad’s and daughters had separate poles) and played some games. We had one slow dance when they played “Butterfly Kisses”. [sniff] How precious can you get? One dad held his little girl up so she could put her head on his shoulder and swayed back and forth with her. Some of the daughters were dancing on their dad’s feet. A couple of dads had more than one daughter there and swayed back and forth with all of them at the same time. My daughter simply put one arm around my waist and laid her head on my belly…

…I’m going to so bawl at her wedding.

I think about my mom, too. She died of cancer when I was 11.I’m now older than she was when she died. She used to sit me on her lap when she played the piano. She taught me how to paint. She would get me to help her grade her English papers. She planted the coolest arboreal garden, and taught me how to build a fire. After that, it was my job to bring in firewood, build and maintain a fire in the fireplace in the den. I remember sleeping in her lap as she drove (the laws regarding the operation of motor vehicles were less stringent then). I don’t look much like her, but my daughter does. Hope has the same fair hair, narrow chin and widely spaced blue eyes of my mom. I have no doubt that I’m the sort of man now she would have hoped to have raised. I wonder if I’m the sort of man shewould have been happy to call a friend had she never known me otherwise.

My dad's mom (we always called her "Ma-Maw") was special to me. She died of emphysema when I was a senior in high school (yes, smoking can kill you). I remember visiting in Kentucky with she and "Pa-Paw". My special time with her was early in the morning when she would rise and go to the kitchen I would get up and follow her. Sitting at the small table in the kitchen, she would make waffles for me and we would sit, just she and I, for breakfast.

As for my wife, Lois, I can say I love her more now than ever. The emotion is not as intense, but the commitment is. Emotion is mere hormones. Commitment is spiritual. Love that comes from God is spiritual. I don’t converse well with people. It’s usually easy to get people to talk about themselves and then I have some common ground on which to converse with them. Most people are so self-obsessed that they don’t return the interest. I’m a bad salesman and don’t sell myself very well.Between odd mannerisms generated by a controlled adult ADD and an all-too-polite sense of restrained self-disclosure, I’m easily interrupted. Consequently, most people ignore me in conversations. I married Lois because she actually shuts her mouth when I open mine and waits until I finish a thought before speaking. She is the rare someone with whom I can converse. And after 11 years of marriage she is even starting to understand me although she yet groans at my puns. Perhaps such is her sacrificial burden of love toward me.

Mine for her is her fibromyalgia. I can't even massage her back anymore. She's always fighting a flare up. The only place it seems to let up lately is when we're in Venezuela. God has provided healthful solace for us to accomplish His purposes there. I pray she has a good summer there, even without me but for a fortnight.

En todo, such reflections incline us toward fondness. God gives us history to build His relationship with us. He also gives us history to build relationships with each other. Let it be in His name that we build our relationships with each other, not just for this season, but always.